I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
