before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
