Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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