Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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