my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
