I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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