DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
