4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
