Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
