Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
