Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
