i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
