"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
