Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
