I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My vagina is very pro this idea
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
where are my eyebrows?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
