Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
