I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
