did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
