I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
