I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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