I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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