And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
