How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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