i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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