Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
