sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
