....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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