Porn is love you can see.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
