So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
