when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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