His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
