We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
did you just send me my own nude
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
