Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
