If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
