don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
