I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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