I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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