everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, beer. Big fan.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
