You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
