Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
