He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
