Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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