Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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