every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
