Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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