If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
