I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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