She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
