She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
