omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
