i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
