I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
